Islamic pick-up lines to make your V-Day more, um, Islamic..

First of all, I'd just like to say that I have nothing against muslims (I'm a muslim myself, by the way). I got these in my email yesterday and thought I'd share with you all my fine readers because these lines are just too damn funny...Hahahaha....

1. "OH MY GOSH! I just saw part of your hair, now you're obliged to
marry me."
2. "I'd like to be more than just your brother in Islam."
3. "To watch you pray is a sin of its own."
4."Will my platinum VISA cover your dowry?"
5."You can't play basketball with a jilbab on, marry me, and we will go one-on-one our entire life."
6."Muslims are supposed to have many children, and I am willing to do my part..."
7."Assalamualaikum, so what time does a Hoor Al-3ayn like you have to be back in Jannah?"
8. So, read any good Surahs lately?
9. Do you believe in the hereafter? Oh you do? Then you know what I'm hereafter.
10. Lets get married so I don't have to lower my gaze every time you walk in the room.
11. I've had to fast every day since the day that I first saw you.
12. Do you work for the FBI ? Because you've just abducted my heart.
13. Your father must be a terrorist, because you're da BOMB!
14. Would you like to help me wake up for Fajr?
15. Are you a Shiite? Because when I saw you, I said to myself, "She aiight".
16. Do you wanna date? I bought a box full when I went to Madinah.
17. Girl, you fine. I see praying five times a day has paid off.
18. That's a nice burqa. Can I talk you out of it?
19. I need to break my fast. Can I have a date?
20. I didn't trip over my robe, I fell for you.
21. I know Halal meat does a body good, but damn, how much you been eatin'
22. Wanna pray in jamaat, shoulder to shoulder, feet to feet?
23. "*guy looks under girls hijab* "sorry, i was looking for the made in jannah tag"
24. "After seeing you, the first thing I said was Mashallah. The next was Inshallah!"
25. "Are those legs halal?"
26. "Baby, someone needs to chop off your right hand because you stole my heart."
27. I'm new here, can you take me to the closest masjid?
28. I'm not staring, I'm just enjoying my first and only allowed look.
29. "Girl you fine, TAKBEER"
30. Can i have a picture of you so I can show my daddy what I want for Eid!
31."Girl if lookin at you is gunnah then I don't want to get any sawab"
32. "Sister, you make a bad brother wanna be good..and a good brother wanna be bad"
33. "Tell Hazrat Gibrail I said watup, cuz u'z an angel!"
34. "Hey I'm a nice muslim boy and you seem like a nice muslim girl, so what do you say we make a halal match?"
35. Hey, you free this weekend? I got two tickets to Jennah...wanna come with?

Damn Fawhawk!

Remember when I gave myself a haircut a few months ago and I completely messed it up? Well it wasn't the last time I messed up. I just don't think the hair clipper and I ever going to get along well, ya' know....Ever...

It happened over a week ago when we had our last soccer game. It was a playoff game - in fact, it was our first and only playoff game. So I figured I wanted to go out with a BANG. I was thinking of trimming my hair and giving myself a fawhawk. Not just a regular fawhawk - it would be the famous Beckham's fawhawk.

So the night before the game (it was midnight, to be exact), I was in my room, standing in front of a wall mirror, holding a clipper, and praying to God hoping that I would not mess up again like last time. I put on clip #1 and then started trimming both sides of my head - including the back side and leaving the middle side intact.

30 minutes later, I had successfully formed a fawhawk. I gave a pat on the back to myself while admiring it and said stupid things like "Good job, Sat. You definitely look like Beckham." "Good God, you look fabulous with that fawhawk. Hell, even that fawhawk look more fabulous than you!"

Yes, I know, I know..I can be so vain sometimes...Hahhaha.. Hell I even applied some gel to my fawhawk before I went to sleep just to see what I would look like with the hair gel on. I looked so damn perfect with the fawhawk. I felt like Indonesian's David Beckham.

The next morning, I woke up and stood in front of a mirror again for a few minutes only to find my so-called Beckham's fawhawk was not aligned right. Yes, the damn fawhawk went sideways. I didn't even realize it last night because I did it in a hurry since it was already midnight when I started.

After cursing like a sailor for a few seconds, I went to get my clipper, put on the clip #1, plugged the damn clipper to the outlet, and started fixing my fawhawk. The whole process only took a couple of minutes. Afterwards, I unplugged the clipper, cleaned it, and put it back in its case.

So I started checking my hair again just to see if I had missed a spot, or if there's something wrong with the fawhawk again. Then I thought well maybe I should trim the left side a little bit. Yeah just a little bit. So I grabbed the clipper, plugged it, and started trimming the left side.

2 seconds into it, I began to realize there was so much hair coming off my head. Hmm that's weird..I mean, my hair was already super short and there wasn't really a lot of hair on my head to begin it with this morning. Then it hits me.

I forgot to put the f$#&@#* clip on.

So what happened next?

Well after (yes, again) cursing like a drunk-angry-sailor-who-just-found-out somebody-stole-his-bottle-of-whiskey, I was forced to shave my entire head, including my 6 hour-old Beckham's fawhawk.

I ended up looking like David Carradine in Kung Fu (He plays as a shaolin monk - in case you haven't seen it).

Heh...So much for a fawhawk huh?

I could totally use The Lazy Man's Nap

Most of my co-workers know that I always stress the importance of Power Nap. The Japanese do it, why don't we? And look at them, they're more productive than we are! I have even brought up this idea to my boss which, of course - as you can probably guess, the idea was successfully turned down.

So anyways, I found this article when doing my morning ritual yesterday - which is reading 20+ blogs every morning with topics ranging from celebrity gossips to internet marketing stuff (This is how I keep up with all celebrity scandals and at the same time educating myself with new trends and technologies in the online marketing industry). I copied this article off of http://ririanproject.com.

While small children typically take naps in the afternoon, our culture generally frowns upon mid-day sleep. However, even in those who get enougth sleep, many people experience a natural decrease in drowsiness in the afternoon, about 8 hours after waking.

Reserch shows that you can make yourself more alert, reduce stress and improve cognitive functioning with a nap. Mid-day sleep, or a “power nap”, means more patience, less stress, increased learning, better health, better reaction time, more efficiency and also many athletes find a daytime nap further increases their body’s ability to build muscle. Napping also benefits heart functioning, hormonal maintenance, and cell repair, says Dr. Sara Mednick, a scientist at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies.

A power nap, says Mednick, simply maximizes these benefits by getting the sleeper into and out of rejuvenative sleep as fast as possible. No surprise that Lance Armstrong’s coach, Chris Carmichael, says that “naps were critical in his overall training plan.” In Manhattan, napping has become a lucrative business: MetroNaps in the Empire State Building provides darkened cot-like redoubts that attract Broadway actors between shows as well as investment bankers who otherwise would fall asleep at their desks. And in Iraq, U.S. Marine commanders have mandated a power nap before patrols.

Christopher Ketcham at Men’s Journal has written a great article on power nap. And here’s how he explains power nap works:

Here’s how the power nap works: Sleep comes in five stages that recur cyclically throughout a typical night, and a power nap seeks to include just the first two of them. The initial stage features the sinking into sleep as electrical brain activity, eye and jaw-muscle movement, and respiration slow. The second is a light but restful sleep in which the body gets ready — lowering temperature, relaxing muscles further — for the entry into the deep and dreamless “slow-wave sleep,” or SWS, that occurs in stages three and four. Stage five, of course, is REM, when the eyes twitch and dreaming becomes intense.

The five stages repeat every 90 to 120 minutes. Stage one can last up to 10 minutes, stage two until the 20th minute. Extenuating circumstances, like manning the controls of a jet, aside, experts believe that the optimal power nap should roughly coincide with the first 20 minutes in order to give you full access to stage two’s restorative benefits. In addition to generally improving alertness and stamina, stage two is marked by a certain electrical signals in the nervous system that seem to solidify the connection between neurons involved in muscle memory. “It’s like a welding machine,” says Mednick. “When you wake up, your neurons perform the same function as before, but now faster and with more accuracy,” making the 20-minute nap indispensible to the hard-working athlete looking to straighten out his putter or baseline shot.

The only catch is that you have to carefully time your nap to avoid waking in slow-wave sleep (third stage), which can produce sleep inertia. So it’s better to use an alarm clock in the beginning.

So, how to get the perfect nap? Everyone, no matter how high-strung, has the capacity to nap, but the conditions need to be right. Here are some helpful hints by Dr. Sara Mednick:

1. The first consideration is psychological: Recognize that you’re not being lazy; napping will make you more productive and more alert after you wake up.
2. Try to nap in the morning or just after lunch; human circadian rhythms make late afternoons a more likely time to fall into deep (slow-wave) sleep, which will leave you groggy.
3. Avoid consuming large quantities of caffeine as well as foods that are heavy in fat and sugar, which meddle with a person’s ability to fall asleep.
4. Instead, in the hour or two before your nap time, eat foods high in calcium and protein, which promote sleep.
5. Find a clean, quiet place where passersby and phones won’t disturb you.
6. Try to darken your nap zone, or wear an eyeshade. Darkness stimulates melatonin, the sleep- inducing hormone.
7. Remember that body temperature drops when you fall asleep. Raise the room temperature or use a blanket.
8. Once you are relaxed and in position to fall asleep, set your alarm for the desired duration (see below).
   

How Long Is A Good Nap?
THE NANO-NAP: 10 to 20 seconds Sleep studies haven’t yet concluded whether there are benefits to these brief intervals, like when you nod off on someone’s shoulder on the train.
THE MICRO-NAP: two to five minutes Shown to be surprisingly effective at shedding sleepiness.
THE MINI-NAP: five to 20 minutes Increases alertness, stamina, motor learning, and motor performance.
THE ORIGINAL POWER NAP: 20 minutes Includes the benefits of the micro and the mini, but additionally improves muscle memory and clears the brain of useless built-up information, which helps with long-term memory (remembering facts, events, and names).
THE LAZY MAN’S NAP: 50 to 90 minutes Includes slow-wave plus REM sleep; good for improving perceptual processing; also when the system is flooded with human growth hormone, great for repairing bones and muscles.